계절이 바뀌듯 만남의 시기가 끝나는 것이다.

사람들은 자기가 상대방에게 싫증이 났기 떄문에 혹은 자기 의지로 또 혹은 상대방의 의지로 헤어졌다고 착각한다. 그러나 사실은 다르다. 계절이 바뀌듯 만남의 시기가 끝나는 것이다. 그저 그뿐이다. 그것은 인간의 의지로는 어쩔 수 없는 일이다. 그러니까 뒤집어 말하면, 마지막이 오는 그 날까지 재미있게 지내는 것도 가능하다.

in 『하드보일드 하드럭

Efforts accumulate.

It’s embarrassing to confess, but before entering university, I had to sleep with the light on. My parents of course hated it, but I just couldn’t turn the light off. I was too scared to wake up after nightmares in darkness.

However, one day, like magic, I was able to sleep without light. I didn’t understand what happened. What seemed totally impossible suddenly became nothing.

Looking back, this magical moment repeated over and over in my life.

I used to have really a hard time waking up in the morning, even with an alarm clock ringing next to my ears. My parents were worried about my hearing ability. This had no correlation with my sleeping habit above by the way, as I still couldn’t wake up  well after I corrected my sleeping habit. Now, I enjoy watching sunrise, and meditating in the morning. (confession: not everyday)

I used to be obsessed with counting calories, not able to enjoy eating. Now, I eat whenever I want, whatever I want. I just eat healthy and happy.

I used to hate exercising. I ran a half marathon, and I do yoga or little exercise every day.

I used to waste hours and hours online, not creating anything, but just consuming junk. Now, I don’t do it anymore. I blocked myself from all websites where I used to waste my time, and sometime I just give a little treat of 15 minutes.

Last habit, wasting time on line, I took me nearly 15 years to stop it. But finally, I changed.

 

What are the tips?

Frankly, I don’t know. I think it’s really about not giving up. I don’t know how many books, articles, and videos I read and watched to correct bad habits. For example, I used to practice waking up at night before sleeping. I tried pescotarian, vegetarian, raw foodist, and bullet-proof diets, and I didn’t stick to anything in the end.

Each effort may look worthless, but your efforts will accumulate. There is sometimes a shortcut, but sometimes, it’s just about keeping trying different things. Not giving up. Your brain may need time to rewire itself.

And one day, Boom! It will happen.

 

Why am I writing this? To remind myself and hopefully to encourage some people.  We all have the moments when we just want to give up on ourselves.

We never seem to change, and we seem make same mistakes every day.

But, maybe, we just don’t notice that we actually change every day, for the better.

 

 

How much times did I waste online?

How much time did I waste surfing internet?

I can’t even count. Even in my high school, after coming back from a studying room (unique in Korean culture – You literally pay for a desk in a quiet room so you can concentrate better at studying) at 1am, I would turn on computer. I used to sleep around 4am every day when my eyes began to really hurt after looking at the computer screen for a long time. At that time, modem was the way to go, and it used to take one hour to download one song, which is unimaginable now.

When I get stressed, the bad habit always came back. I guess people drink and smoke to escape the reality, but for me the internet was the only addiction.

I would browse anything and everything. Travel blogs, shopping websites, humor websites, youtube – music, vlogs, and even about parallel universe. I would browse for hours and hours, and start despising myself for wasting such a long time. I would sleep thinking that I would never do that again, but I would repeat and repeat.

I still got things done on time, and it didn’t affect the results of my study and my work. However, I knew that this addiction took away so much time that I could have used in a better way. I read more blogs than books. I stopped playing bass guitar. I got lazy about calling my loved ones. I didn’t think deep. My mandarin never progressed.

During my first semester at the graduate school, I stopped wasting time online. This was not voluntary, as there were so many things and so many deadlines and I couldn’t finish all regardless of how hard I tried. However, during winter break, I found myself repeating the same mistake again.

So much uncertainty on my side and serious issues for my loved ones really stressed me and I didn’t want to think anything.

After wasting a few days, I decided that I must quit this habit. This time, it’s not just a thought, but I actually restricted myself from doing so.

I blocked all the websites that I wasted time on my iphone (Follow the instructions on the link below)

http://www.imore.com/how-block-specific-websites-being-accessed-safari-iphone-and-ipad

Android: Now I use mobile security app (paid version)

 

For certain websites that I still want to access but for a short period of time such as youtube, I added those websites on Stayfocused app in Chrome and restricted the time per day.

https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/stayfocusd/laankejkbhbdhmipfmgcngdelahlfoji?hl=en

Android: Screen time (paid version)

What if I need to access those websites on iphone or on computer urgently? On iphone, I use Puffin brower (the user interface is quite bad and you wouldn’t use it for a long time) and on computer, I use explorer.

After blocking the websites yesterday, I finally found time to renew the web hosting for my blog, and write this post.

Hope my tips are helpful to you.

 

 

 

 

You gotta think I’m crazy, but what if this is heaven?

I heard similar stories over and over from other famous people, but I don’t know why this story touched me so much, and really changed me.

About Joanna’s story, I first admired her attitude towards her life. When I watched the video for the second time, I realized that there might be a powerful relationship between the near-death experience that she had and the changes after. I think the magic was being fearless.

 

The power of asking and receiving – Don’t go to the ocean with a teaspoon

I have been a cheerful giver, but I was always afraid of receiving. Even to close friends, I didn’t like to feel being a burden on them. Recently, I decided to resign and move on, and I am slowly learning how to ask help and receive it gratefully. As second link below suggests, I have been pleasantly surprised how many people kindly offered introductions to people I needed to connect to.

For people like me – who are afraid to ask and sometimes hide and work on problems alone and believe we should – should learn how to ask and accept other people’s goodwill. Not everyone will help, but many people will be willing to help, and sometimes go extra miles for us, happily. Don’t leave the presents unopened. Open them.

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http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Thinking-that-Accepting-Help-is-a-Sign-of-Weakness

Consider whether your bias to not ask for or seek help has any benefit to yourself and others. By keeping yourself or making yourself aloof from other human beings, you are building an invisible barrier around yourself that wards off the potential for new relationships and friendships. You might feel a sense of safety but you are missing out on learning about reciprocal give and take, where you not only take help but also provide help in return, all within a compassionate cycle of love, care, and generosity for all.

  • It can be a somewhat arrogant self-deceit to think that you can give help and advice but never need to accept it in return. This ultimately just leads to loneliness and despair as it only serves to isolate yourself from others.
  • Consider reciprocity, think about times you’ve helped others with your own specialties which can give you confidence in asking others for help or advice.

 

http://www.forbes.com/sites/yec/2011/12/21/how-to-ask-what-you-want-and-get-it-all/

The fastest way to get what you want out of life and business is to ask for it. It must seem like a mundane concept, I know. But it works like a charm, most of the time.

 

In personal experience, I had issues with asking for help for two reasons: a) It made me feel vulnerable and b) I had a vague idea that successful people never ask for help. I was thankfully wrong on both accounts.

The quicker you master your fear, rooted in misconceived notions you have about your ability and your business, the faster your company will grow.

The Solution

 

mastered my fear of asking for what I wanted, by making a silent pact with myself. I would purposefully, ask for something on a regular basis. If I needed a contact, I’d ask for it. If I needed a recommendation for a new dog groomer, I’d ask for that too. The point is: each day I was, and still am, learning to become comfortable with asking for what I want.

Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychologysuggests that we grossly underestimate just how willing others are to help us out (PsyBlog). I’d have to agree.

Successful people often take pleasure in helping, giving advice and revealing gems of insight. To that end, most ‘unsuccessful’ people would rather tell you to, “bugger off,” (in my slightly strained British vernacular). I don’t recommend that you consult with the latter anyway.

If you’re ready to catalyze your business take the following steps today:

  1. Take inventory of your current business ideas and needs – make a list.
  2. Consolidate your list by functional area (i.e. Marketing, Sales, Customer Service, etc.)
  3. Brainstorm and develop a list of potential experts and associates in each area.
  4. Create a concise email to introduce yourself, communicate your need and offer your support to help your new contact meet his or her goals. Don’t even think about receiving without giving.
  5. Ask for a brief 5-minute call, and give them an opportunity to graciously bow out.

This may seem contrived, but understand it’s a numbers game. Don’t get caught up on who doesn’t respond, who says no and who won’t be your friend. In my stern yet sympathetic friend tone, “Cry a river, build a bridge and get over it.”

You’re only interested in developing partnerships with people who have the time to commit, understand the potential value and are ready to act. And if they aren’t a match; be gracious, ask them if they know of anyone who you should contact and move along. Not every opportunity is right for everyone at any given time — it’s not personal.

 

http://lifesnextchaptercoaching.com/blog/2013/7/25/the-first-step-in-opening-to-receive-be-willing-to-ask

 

Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don’t go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won’t laugh at you.”

Jim Rohn

Experiencing the loss of a partner through death or divorce leaves us feeling vulnerable, needy, and out of control. This is one of those times when our attitude towards receiving may need examining because it’s very likely that all kinds of assistance is needed. At times like these, trying to maintain the illusion of control and not being willing to receive is a sure-fire way to perpetuate a sense of separation, isolation, and loneliness. “I’m all alone,” we tell ourselves. “No one understands me. No one will be there to love me again.”

My encouragement is to let go of these limiting beliefs. How? One thing I encourage you to do as way to deal with the sense of abandonment and loneliness you feel is to ask someone who cares about you for help. Push past the resistance and ask in a big way. Ask for what you need. Ask that your bucket be filled and for God’s sake, put away the teaspoon. Then be willing to graciously accept the abundance of help when it shows up.

 

Your act of receiving gives others a chance to tap into their compassion and give of themselves in service. Both giver and receiver have an opportunity to connect in the place where we are all One. When we are grateful receivers, we open to the Love and let it flow in and out in a beautiful dance of giving and receiving. This is Loving in action.

If you are only willing to accept a teaspoon of God’s grace, you are choosing to perpetuate suffering, choosing to go it alone. How about bringing a bucket to the ocean of God’s love and mercy instead and opening your heart to receive?

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